Summertime Drama

As the clouds clear and weather starts to warm up after the winter season, we start planning our sweet escape from all the stress and pressures of life in a long summer vacation with our loved ones. Although our get-away may seem to be a piece of heaven, problems often arise during such vacations. Senior counselling psychologist /couples counsellor Chris Denmark believes couples’ feuds have several reasons and that couple\relationship counseling can help overcome problems.

Woman sulking while her boyfriend is explaining himself
The main reason behind the increased arising of problems during summer vacations is the prolonged continuous company of our partner. The prolonged time we spend with each other can shed light on the weak points in our relationships. The most common problems couple’s faces may be divided as follows:

  • Arguing: Arguments can go from “you never take the trash out” to “you do not love me” at light speed. Couples often focus on the old mistakes and flaws of the and not the current problem they are arguing about. Moreover, couples focus on the language of losers and winners during an argument while disregarding the needs of each other.
  • Lack of intimacy: Couples become so accustomed to living with each other that they describe feeling like roommates and it is important to examine the reasons behind this lack on intimacy, or a feeling that something is not right. Canadian counselling psychologist professor Leslie Greenberg describes a “pursue-distance cycle” in which one partner is a pursuer of intimacy and the other partner distances themselves. However, the pursuing partner’s strategy only makes things worse. It drivers the other partner away and forces them to distance themselves as a form of escape.
  • Relationship beliefs and learning from our families: most of our knowledge about raising children and what \how a relationship should be is learnt from our families and friends. But we do not only learn behavior patterns from our families, we also learn emotions. This explains why some partner’s behaviors may be rooted in previous important relationships which cause difficulties in the current relationship, especially when presumptions about relationships are not shared by the partners.
  • Mental health problems: Depression, anxiety, and a variety of other mental health disorders can severely affect and disrupt a relationship. Counseling either both or the affected partner in such situations is beneficial in dealing when it comes to handling the problem.
  • Relationship endings: The most devastating thing a couple may face is the end of the relationship. Despite the fact that this event affects both partners, yet the male seems to take the more painful jab. Men seem to find a difficult time to understand and get over the relationship ending and their feelings to towards their partner, which is why men don’t usually go for support post-breakup. Individual counseling at this point is very important for both partners as it helps them accept the loss and get over the relationship.Relationships occupy a large and important part of our lives, but we don’t seem to give them the required attention to keep them going strong and healthy. Relationship counseling\therapy aims to address the difficulties and patterns and support our relationships’ strengths.  Couples can either come individually or together for counseling depending on their area of focus in the relationship

Relationships occupy a large and important part of our lives, but we don’t seem to give them the required attention to keep them going strong and healthy. Relationship counseling\therapy aims to address the difficulties and patterns and support our relationships’ strengths.  Couples can either come individually or together for counseling depending on their area of focus in the relationship.

Relationship breakdown. Depressed young man holding hand on head and looking away while woman sitting behind him on the couch

It is very evident that couples spending prolonged time together during the holidays will help problems surface, however, understanding the weaknesses and strength of the relationship and taking the time do so will give life to the relationship and ensure it will last.

Bashar Hassanieh
Better’fly Lebanon

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